I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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