Heybabeimwearingurpanties
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
