I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
