I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
