I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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