I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
