I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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