'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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