Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
