carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
