Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
