Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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