Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Be still, my beating vagina.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
