You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
