Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
