What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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