apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
