I hate your face
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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