dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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