Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
