At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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