she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize