thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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