My cat gives me a boner
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
