I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
