as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
