so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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