Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
