I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
