i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
