By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
