i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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