I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
