Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we're making bets on your personal life
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
