We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
