His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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