ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
