she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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