You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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