just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
