im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
