Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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