Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
