He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
