Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
