I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
