I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?