I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
