my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.