dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?