so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.