where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling