ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
