Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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