Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
