Kiss
Puke
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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