he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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