Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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