i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
