Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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