im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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