I hate your face
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i dont even know how to be here
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
