No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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