I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
