Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
