Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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