so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
