If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
