She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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