Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
