I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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