A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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