I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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