did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.