Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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