dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The dysfunction is strong in this one.