You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
