I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.