So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.