Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
