would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
