Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
