I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
