I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
