Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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